Years ago, I was coming out of a wild relationship, and decided to “roll solo” for a while and get a few things figured out. I’m not the first person in history to take a break from dating, or the last. To get through the patch, I chose to focus on some of the funner things you can get away with whilst there is no one around. It was either that, or run back into a toxic relationship. Here are a few of the social media posts I threw out there. People loved them, which encouraged me to write more. Not just silly quips, but other “works” as well. This is only a fraction of the ridiculousness that was my life.
Joys of Bachelor Living: (Circa 2012)
#1. If you want to soak in the tub, but want to have ice cream…You can do them at the same time.
#2. The clothes staging system…dirty clothes go on the bathroom floor. Clean clothes remain in the laundry baskets. Dresser drawers are for tool storage.
#3. If you want to play on the computer and watch tv, you can. Just put the computer desk where the dining table is “supposed” to go. The dining room table goes in the spare bedroom. Problem solved! (Thanks dad for that idea)!
#4. The can of air freshener which normally resides in the bathroom, can be paired with a lighter to act as pest control/flyswatter. It also gives the air a musky, singed flavor.
#5. Why, exactly, is there a door on the bathroom?
#6. Have you ever “gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”? Solution: sleep sideways and get out of the bottom of the bed. This makes for a great day!
#7. A guest recently asked me why my trash bags are on the living room bookcase…next to the first aid kit and soccer ball? I replied “I don’t know, and don’t need to know. It just works”.
#8. When the song comes on “I’m sexy and I know it”. You dance like you are on a stage in front of 10,000 people. Then be grateful that you are not on a stage in front of 10,000 people.
#9. Spring cleaning: Step one, start a pot of coffee. 2. Make instant tea in a glass jug, and set it outside the door. 3. Place a Scented Baked Apple Pie candle on a window ledge. 4. Spray clean Linen febreeze around laundry areas. Spray Spring Meadow Febreeze in neutral areas. 5. Pick up all the junk, and gently throw it in the spare bedroom. Close that door. 6. sprinkle a little blueberry Kool-aid in the toilet. 7, Insert Baily’s Irish Cream into Coffee, and enjoy your freshly cleaned bachelor pad!
#10. You are looking at cars on Ebay. One of them strikes you just right, and tears of awe, and joy well up a little. There’s noone around to say “You are crying over a car on Ebay????” 😛