The Booty Prayer

Confessions of a not-perfect Christian: The big round booty dilema.

Lately, I’ve decided to get back to my roots, and try again hanging out with Jesus. But things are very different this time around. It was always explained to me that God wants the battered, broken sinners to seek Him. But I never really understood that, so I kept saying to myself, “I will work on ______, then I will feel comfortable in Church.” Well, that ain’t how it works. I’m all screwed up, and Jesus loves me. So we hang out now, and I can joke with Him about life and stuff.

I saw a woman in Springfield today with a wonderfully big round booty, I simply said “Well Father, you created all things, and you did exceptional work on that lady right there. Good job.” That was supposed to be the end of that. But the devil, and my human sinful nature love sin. I love sin. It’s usually fun and exciting! So at the first signs of lustful thought (or the second), I prayed another prayer…

“Jesus, you know my heart, and that I don’t want to view that woman as anything more or less than a child of God. But that was a wonderful big round booty, and if you are preparing a woman for me somewhere, please let her have a big round booty.” Amen. “Oh, and please halt my tongue for me if she ever asks ‘ Do you think my butt looks big in these jeans'”

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